Film Review - "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales"

Pirates of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
Directed by Joachim Ronning and Espen Sandberg
Starring Johnny Depp, Javier Bardem and Kaya Scodelario

I've never been one to love or hate the Pirates of The Caribbean films. They were always just okay in my eyes. I recently rewatched the original trilogy. The Curse of The Black Pearl is a really good film. Dead Man's Chest had a promising start, but its horribly paced and far too convoluted in building its own mythology. At World's End improves on the flaws of its predecessor, but it gets really bizarre and is still too convoluted. I misplaced my DVD copy of On Stranger Tides but going off memory I enjoyed the straight-forward adventure of it.

Now we're at film number five with Dead Men Tell No Tales and…it's not a bad film. It's really not. But it's got problems and evidence of this franchise's lack of life is really showing.

The film opens up many years after the post credit scene of At World's End. Henry Turner (Brenton Thwaites), the son of Will Turner and Elizabeth Swan (Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley, who make brief returns to the franchise) is seeking to find the Trident of Poseidon, which is said to break any curse at sea, including his father's bond to The Flying Dutchman. Turner seeks the help of his parents former ally Captain Jack Sparrow (Depp). Jack's fallen on hard times himself, with his ship still shrunken-in-a-bottle, and his crew all but abandoned him.

Desperate for a drink, he trades away his magical compass, and that somehow frees the undead Captain Salazar (Bardem) from his prison in the Devil's Triangle. Salazar then begins a quest for vengeance on Sparrow. Meanwhile, Henry rescues Jack and a young astrologist Carina Smyth (Scodelario) from execution and they reluctantly team up and soon its a race to find the trident. Huzzah. Oh and Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) is back, as a captain of the Navy…somehow.

The story is another self-contained adventure like On Stranger Tides, but frankly we've seen it all before. There's some MacGuffin everyone is chasing. The antagonist(s) are a bunch of undead/zombie pirates out for revenge on one Jack Sparrow. There's layers on layers of deals, betrayals, and double crosses (okay definitely not as much as in the second and third films but there are some). If Disney wants this franchise to continue they have to bring something new to the table. Also I have some continuity questions because by the looks of the last time we saw him, Will was doing just fine aboard The Dutchman so…what happened? And shouldn't any of these characters have, I don't know, aged??

One problem that I find across the whole Pirates franchise is, why do these films drag on for so long? Pacing is a foreign concept here, and it takes a little too long to get our heroes on their quest. There are some of the set pieces and action sequences just get way over the top and far too cartoony. Seriously guys a bunch of horses pull a safe through a wall…and then they pull an entire building throughout town…what the what.

Let's talk about the cast. Johnny Depp, it's like he's forgotten how to play this character. Jack is more more mean, more bitter, and less enjoyable. Depp's schtick has gotten stale, and he's just going through the motions. Geoffrey Rush remains a franchise highlight as Barbossa. Javier Bardem gives a corny, over-the-top performance as Salazar. Brenton Thwaites is average but pleasant as our newest male lead, and Kaya Scodelario is lovely and charming as Carina.

Well I've badmouthed the film so much you're probably wondering how I can still say it's not a bad film. Well it's not poorly made for one thing. It's just more of the same. Most of the performances are still pretty entertaining, and while some parts do get a little ridiculous they are still fun, and there are some laughs throughout. The story isn't terrible it's just the same story with the same characters told again in a new film. I can appreciate the film steering away from mythology building an just telling a simple adventure.

If you haven't heard by now Dead Men Tell No Tales, like other Pirates of the Caribbean films has a post-credit scene. I won't speak to it but if this does lead to a sixth film, then the pot's got to be stirred. With Dead Men Tell No Tales having the lowest opening weekend of the franchise, we might be seeing  Jack Sparrow sail off into the sunset.

Film Review Throwback - "Cars 2"

Long ago there was a time when Pixar had a perfect track record and the only sequels they made were of Toy Story. Then someone decided a sequel to Cars might be a good idea...

So apparently the Film Gods heard our prayers and Cars 3 is actually pretty decent. I haven't seen it yet so let's look back at the first sequel to Cars. The first and so far only one of their films to have a Rotten Score on Rotten Tomatoes...

Cars 2
Directed by John Lasseter and Brad Lewis
Starring Owen Wilson, Larry The Cable Guy, and Michael Caine

First off, look at this poster:

You see how Lightning McQueen (Wilson), the main character from the first film is front and center, and his friend and supporting player Mater (..The Cable Guy? What even is his last name..) is in the background. What you're seeing here are lies. Filthy marketing lies. McQueen is not the star of this film. Mater is, and that was their first and biggest mistake.

Mater isn't Dory. He can't carry his own film. Mater is more annoying than lovable. That's just the truth and you know it. Anyway, McQueen is offered a chance to race in the World Grand Prix: Three races across Tokyo, Italy, and London. McQueen brings his Radiator Springs crew along, including Mater, now his crew chief, replacing Doc Hudson (Voiced by the late Paul Newman and written out of the film in respect).

Mater in all his Larry The Cable Guy-ness, embarrasses himself and McQueen in front of the competition. He goes off on his own and is mistaken for a secret agent by Miles Axelrod (Caine) and Holley Shiftwell (Emily Mortimier)...it gets pretty off the rails there but Mater and his spy friends soon uncover a dangerous plot at the heart of the World Grand Prix, it's eventually up to Mater to save the day and his friend McQueen, proving himself more than just a country bumpkin and who cares...

Someone clearly watched too many of those "Mater's Tall Tales" shorts and thought that could work as a feature film. The whole "numb skull character, mistaken identity, chaos ensues" plot has been done many times before, and this version doesn't do enough to justify its existence. Frankly Caine and Mortimer's characters are pretty dumb themselves, to believe Mater is a spy for like, two-thirds of the film.

Furthermore why is the sequel not about McQueen and his racing career? The whole heart of the film is lost when the spotlight is turned on Mater. Also why is this a spy film? If Pixar wanted to make a spy film why did it have to double as a sequel to Cars (Probably the same reason a college film doubled as a Monsters Inc. prequel)? Maybe that's okay though because McQueen kind of has some regression as a character here, and is just a dick to Mater in the film, probably as a way of plot to get him to go off a be a spy…

Also there's some environmental message sneaking through the cracks of this film and I-just, why? Why, when Wall-E already did it? Forget it I'm wrapping this up quick. The voice work is still good despite the lackluster writing. I haven't watched it in a while but if I'm remembering correctly the late George Carlin's replacement as Filmore wasn't too distracting (Why did Doc Hudson get written out but not Filmore?). Michael Caine…I don't know man. Frankly I don't think this is his proudest of paychecks, and it almost sounds it in his voice work. The animation is still Pixar at its finest, but it's wasted here.

So Cars 3 sounds pretty good, but not "Grade-A Pixar" more like "Grade-B Pixar", which is always what the Cars franchise has symbolized. The plot makes it sound like we don't even need to watch Cars 2 to get anything. We can just hop over it from the first film. Hell maybe Cars 2 was just in Mater's head like all those shorts.

Anyway Cars 2 is definitely the weak link in both the franchise and the Pixar catalog. For years to come, no matter what the anticipation or outcome of future Pixar films will be, people will still say "Can't be as bad as Cars 2." Stay tuned for my review of Cars 3 and….I hope to God there's minimal Mater…


Huh. Turns out Larry The Cable Guy's real name is Daniel Whitney...

Film Review - "Wonder Woman"

Wonder Woman

Directed by Patty Jenkins

Starring Gal Gadot, Chris Pine, and Connie Nielsen

Upon the release of Batman VS Superman: Dawn of Justice, many…pretty much everyone agreed that Wonder Woman was a major highlight in an otherwise average film. As time went on (and Suicide Squad came out), it became abundantly clear that Wonder Woman was just the best part of the DC Extended Universe.

Now her own film has hit theaters and that's still true. Wonder Woman, both character and film, are the very best part of this superhero franchise. Now looking at the three films that came before it I know that's not saying much, but Wonder Woman is still by all accounts…wonderful!

The film chronicles the origins of the titular heroine (played again by Gadot), from her early days of training on the Amazonian island Themyscira, to her journey into the outside world, specfically during World War I. 

When Ally spy Steve Trevor (Pine) crash lands on the shores of the island, he tells Diana and her and people of "The war to end all wars" tearing the world apart at its seams. Diana believes this to be the work and second coming of Ares, The God of War. Against her mother (Nielsen)'s wishes, she leaves the island with Trevor, who agrees to take her to the front lines. Once she arrives at the battle, Diana plans to find and kill Ares, and therefore end the fighting. 

First up, the story itself is fairly basic, and you might be able to predict how Diana's mission will go (or *will* you?!?!?!). But the film has a beautiful message about belief, hope, and love. Good and evil aren't always black and white, it comes down to nature and choice. The film would fail if it didn't have a main character that audiences could connect and root for, and my God do we get one. 

Gal Gadot is Wonder Woman, and gives an iconic, career-defining performance. She plays every part of Diana's character so well, from her "fish out of water" moments, to her simply being a compassionate human being, who sees injustice (see what I did there?) in the world and wants to make it right how ever she can. I think that's why so many people fell in love with her and this film. She's not someone avenging the death of a loved one like Batman, or taking responsibility for her gifts like Spider-Man, she's someone who has the ability to make a difference, and will seek out to do just that.

Not for any reason other than it's right thing to do. It reminds me of…of…of CAPTAIN AMERICA!!!

Alright, alright I'll calm down, but you can see the similarities, in both character and origin films (The First Avenger takes place in WWII, Wonder Woman takes place in WWI…) Anyway, the scene where she fearlessly marches onto No Man's Land. Chills. Pure chills and feels.

Chris Pine gives a charming and humorous performance as Steve Trevor, and the chemistry he has with Gadot is remarkable. Nielsen and Robin Wright as Diana's mother and aunt give small but powerful performances nonetheless. Said Taghmaoui, Ewen Bremmer, and Eugene Brave Rock play the three men who accompany Diana and Steve on their mission, Sameer, Charlie, and The Chief. They all have nice moments throughout the film but when I saw the film a second time I barely remembered them from the first viewing.

The biggest flaw of the film in my opinion is the villains. Danny Huston and Elena Anaya play General Ludendorf and Dr. Posion, and I'm not saying their performances are bad (Well, Huston's German accent is pretty cringe…honestly I still see Stryker from X-Men Origins), but they're mostly just pawns and plot devices. All this talk of Ares I don't think it's a spoiler to say he is in the film. It's hard to talk about him without going into spoilers, so I'll just say his part in the film is, underwhelming.

Two more notes. The music from Rupert Gregson Williams is phenomenal, and yes he does use and build on the theme from Batman VS Superman, and the film looks great. From the shores of Themyscira to the battlefield. My God I didn't know so much color was allowed in a DC film!

So to wrap up, Wonder Woman is a really good, really enjoyable film, that gives us more of a character we already were in awe of after only being with her for fifteen minutes of screen time. Is it perfect? No. Is it a game changer? Not in every case. But it doesn't need to be. Sometimes we just need a superhero film with an incredible main character and a heartfelt message, and that's what we got. It's not just a big step forward for the DC Extended Universe, it's a huge step forward. I'm glad we were finally able to get a Wonder Woman film, a female led-superhero film, directed by a woman that's having enormous success. I think this film is something the world really needed right now.

…..and I'm not just saying that because I met Gal Gadot last year and she touched my arm and I am forever cast under her spell….*sigh*…

Did you know that Danny Huston's General Ludendorf was a real General in WWI?? Seriously look it up. I mean he didn't have those crazy pills but still….that's nuts….

Film Review - "Captain Underpants"

Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie
Directed by David Soren
Starring Ed Helms, Kevin Hart, and Thomas Middleditch

If you didn't read the Captain Underpants books when you were a kid, man you missed out. They're just so engaging, creative, and ridiculous. They're also still in publication so if you or your kids need a new read or something to laugh at I recommend you head on down to the library or bookstore.

Anyway there comes a time in every book or book series' run, where it becomes so popular, Hollywood comes to see it as an opportunity for a film or film series. Captain Underpants's time came and The First Epic Movie hits theaters this weekend via Dreamworks Animation. As someone who grew up with the books, I found it to be a pretty faithful adaptation and a fun film.

Like the first novel, the film centers around two young boy George Beard and Harold Hutchins (voiced by two very adult actors, Hart and Middleditch). George and Harold are best friends and the school pranksters. Their shenanigans make them a constant target of their grumpy school principal Mr. Krupp (Helms).

Finally Mr. Krupp catches the boys red-handed, and threatens to put them in separate classes, and to an extent destroy their friendship. In a last-ditch attempt to save themselves, the boys try to hypnotize Mr. Krupp with a "3D Hypno-Ring", a cheap plastic prize out of a cereal box. Surprisingly the ring works, and it's not soon after that George and Harold command Mr. Krupp to become Captain Underpants, the fictional superhero they spend their afternoons writing comics about.

This little gag backfires quickly when Captain Underpants rushes off to fight crime, and George and Harold have to keep him safe and under control. To make matters worse, a new science teacher named Professor Poopypants (Nick Kroll, and yes that's his name) arrives with some sinister motives.

So for the uninitiated, with names like Captain Underpants and Professor Poopypants, I think you can tell this a strange world of stories. There's no explanation for any of it though, and that's fine because that's a large part of the franchise's charm and this is a property targeted towards kids after all. The script follows the plot of the first book for the first half of the film, and then forges its own path, taking elements from the second and fourth, "Attack of The Talking Toilets" and "The Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants"..you can't make this stuff up.

Anyway think of it as similar to what the A Series of Unfortunate Events film did, but here it's more effective...you could argue that's in part due to the weight of the books being adapted but it works. There's plenty of jokes and nods to the books that fans will get, while others might just chuckle and continue on. To build off that, many gags are geared towards the younger audiences, which is fine because again, that's what the books are too. Parents or older audiences might not like the film as much but it's still really entertaining. The spirit of the books is on perfect display here.

What's really great is at the heart of the film is a story of friendship and how it can evolve as we grow. It's really very sweet and a valuable lesson for kids. One thing about the film that kind of bugged me though was George and Harold spend a lot of time breaking the fourth wall, delivering exposition to the audience. It's fine at first but it starts to slow down the film, and for the record was not something that was done a lot in the books if I remember correctly.

Onto the voice cast. Again, Kevin Hart and Thomas Middleditch play George and Harold and they do a great job, but it's very noticeable that two adults are voicing our young protagonists. Were there no child voice actors leftover from The Peanuts Movie looking for work? Ed Helms gives a hilarious and spot-on performance as Mr. Krupp/Captain Underpants. When he belches out the hero's famous "TRA LA LAAA" you know he's right for the role. Nick Kroll is clearly having fun as Professor Poopypants, but I swear I've heard him do this German scientist voice before. To contrast Hart and Middleditch, Jordan Peele is unrecognizable as the class dork Melvin.

Can't review an animated film without talking about the animation. The animators did a spectacular job of bringing the illustrations of the books to life. Everything is so polished and vibrant, and I never noticed until they were brought into CGI but these characters kind of look life the Peanuts (Crossover?!?!?!). Building off that comparison the look of the film almost does look like hand-drawn animation with a 3D boost. Lastly, the theme song written and performed by Weird Al will get stuck in your head. No question.

To conclude Captain Underpants is a wonderful film that won't appeal to all ages like a Pixar or Disney film but can still be a pretty entertaining viewing. In terms of being an adaptation it's very, ahem, by the books *dodges tomatoes*. Seriously though this film is Captain Underpants brought to life, and personally I would love to see some sequels because the other book get even crazier.
Trust me when I tell you this is the highest, and most appealing form...of toilet humor....I'll see myself out.

Side note: This is probably Dreamworks Animation's best film in years, not counting any Kung Fu Pandas or How To Train Your Dragons....Side-side note: Where the heck is How To Train Your Dragon 3?

Film Review - "Guardians of The Galaxy Vol.2"

Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2
Directed by James Gunn
Starring Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Kurt Russell, etc.

I don't think anyone expected the first Guardians of The Galaxy to be the smash hit it turned out to be, but here we are, and personally it's one of my favorite films in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

From the way James Gunn and Kevin Feige have been talking, it sounds like the series will play a major role in shaping the future of the MCU post-Phase Three. I think the majority of Marvel fans are perfectly fine with that. Early last month, Guardians of The Galaxy Vol. 2 hit theaters and proved that the first film was no fluke. The sequel is another strong entry into the franchise and stands toe-to-toe with "Vol. 1"

After Rocket (Voiced again by Bradley Cooper) lands the team in hot water with the alien race known as The Sovereign, the Guardians crash-land on a remote planet, where they are located by Peter (Pratt)'s long-lost father Ego (Russell) and his assistant Mantis (Pom Klementieff).

Ego invites the group to his personal home planet, to reconnect with his son and teach him of his heritage, but Peter naturally remains skeptical of his estranged dad, as does Gamora (Saldana). Meanwhile Yondu (Michael Rooker) finds himself on the outs with his crew and other Ravager factions as a result of his past mistakes, and Nebula (Karen Gillan) continues her hunt to kill Thanos (Josh Brolin but not here) and settle her beef with her sister Gamora.

It's a simple story, elevated to the greatest of heights with tons of heart and emotion. James Gunn once again takes this weird batch of characters and makes it so easy for audiences to connect, feel, and fall in love with them all over again. We should be super thankful he returned for Vol. 2, and will come back again for Vol.3. 

The underlying theme of family gives each character a chance to grow and shine throughout the film. The cast nails it once again. Chris Pratt is as lovable as ever as Peter Quill/Star-Lord. Kurt Russell is perfect as Ego. Dave Bautista once again brings buckets of laughs as Drax, and is also given more emotional bits to work with. Bradley Cooper I felt wasn't as funny in the role of Rocket this film, but like Bautista he got to flex his acting chops with more dramatic material, given the little trash panda's arc in the film.

Zoe Saldana again embodies the character of Gamora, and because the film expands on her relationship with Nebula, she gets to do more than just kick ass and not get Quill's references. Speaking of Nebula, Karen Gillian is given so much more to do and owns the role. The same can definitely be said for Michael Rooker as Yondu, who arguably steals the spotlight.
I say arguably because yes, there's Baby Groot (Vin Diesel), and yes he's adorable, and yes all eyes are on him when he's onscreen.

Before I end up praising every actor on the cast list, I'll just say that Sylvester Stallone in his role was actually really great. He's not in the film a lot, but you can tell he's giving it his all, and not just working to make a quick paycheck. Finally, Elizabeth Debicki is good as Ayesha, the High Priestess of the Sovereign but is really just an incidental character. Hopefully we'll see more of her in future films.

I'll go back and forth for awhile on whether Vol. 1 or Vol. 2 is the better film but I will say that the latter does a much better job of integrating the music. There's an incredible variety of wonderful tracks in Awesome Mix Vol. 2 that work to progress the story and elevate the tone of the film. Also I found the look and production design of Vol. 2 to be on a higher level. Every planet or ship looks so distinct and it's all just so colorful and well crafted, they really created a whole universe and it's a beautiful film to look at.

Guardians of The Galaxy Vol. 2 is an amazing film packed with laughs and heart. It's an easy recommendation for anyone, and if you didn't see the first one watch it right now and then go see this one ASAP. This series continues to prove it's one of the most unique out there, inside and out of the MCU. Who would have thought a film featuring a talking tree and raccoon could carry so much weight?