Yeah About That...Disney's Live-Action Self-Remakes

They say originality is dead in Hollywood. The box office is filled with nothing but sequels, reboots, and remakes. Personally I'm on the fence of this argument, but one thing is for sure is that originality is on life support at the Walt Disney Studios.

A few years ago, the Mouse House started a trend of taking films from their animated classics line, and turning them into live-action films. Some not straight-forward remakes, so much as crude, god-awful reimaginings with no sense of the source material they're adapting...anyway. Quickly the number of these "live-action self-remakes" in development began to outweigh the number of them being released to theaters. At this point you can pretty much name a Disney animated film, and the chances are it's getting remade.

With the Beauty & The Beast remake now one of the high grossing films of all time, let's take a look at the rest of the remakes in the pipeline, while I offer my two-cents on each project. Shockingly, I'm not completely opposed to...most of them.

Mulan
Directed by Niki Caro
Written by Rick Jaffa and Amanda Silver
Starring: TBA
Coming To Theaters: November 2nd, 2018

Milan could actually really benefit in live-action, if done right. The fight scenes and the battle in the mountains could look amazing if choreographed properly and not completely dosed in CGI. The current word is it might not be a musical like original, and personally I'm fine with that. Let the film take on a more serious tone, but keep the comic relief so it's not completely dark and dull. Hell I suppose you could do like The Jungle Book remake and cherry pick one or two of the best songs so it's not a full-blown musical. Anyway this one I think can pass.


Mary Poppins Returns
Directed by Rob Marshall
Written by David Magee
Starring Emily Blunt and Lin-Manuel Miranda
Coming To Theaters: December 25th, 2018

Okay this one's not a remake it's just a sequel, but it's a sequel to a classic Disney film that had an animated sequence. So yeah. The sequel's set to take place in London during the 1930s, where Jane, Micheal and Michael's three children, receive a visit from Ms. Poppins after a family tragedy. I love Emily Blunt and I have no doubt she'll nail the lead role. Rob Marshall can be a fairly decent director. Into The Woods was good, and the fourth Pirates of The Caribbean was entertaining enough in my opinion. Lin-Manuel Miranda is writing music for the movie so have fun with that (Clearly he's found a comfortable home at Disney post-Moana). There's also a really strong supporting cast, featuring Colin Firth, Meryl Streep, Angela Lansbury, and the return of Dick Van Dyke. Based on Blunt's casting alone I'm cautiously optimistic for this film...despite the fact that P.L. Travers hated the first Mary Poppins, and forbid any more movies based on her books be made, so it just makes you wonder what kind of dark forces are we tempting here...but hey, you guys should watch Saving Mr. Banks.


The Lion King
Directed by Jon Favreau
Written by TBA
Starring: Donald Glover, James Earl Jones, Billy Eichner and Seth Rogen
Coming To Theaters: July 19th, 2019

This one's apparently on the fast track. After the success Favreau had remaking The Jungle Book, this holds promise. But unless they actually use real animals, can this be considered a live-action remake, or just a remake with more realistic looking animation? One thing The Jungle Book has that The Lion King doesn't, is the human connection with Mowgli. Time will tell if this hurts the film. Donald Glover as Simba is an exciting casting choice, and bringing James Earl Jones back to reprise his iconic performance as Mufasa is a classy move. Eichner & Rogen as Timon & Pumbaa...I don't know. With the casting of James Earl Jones there's two ways of looking at this. Why can't we bring back other original cast members, and if we can, then really how much can this film distinguish itself from the 1994 epic?


Aladdin
Directed by Guy Ritchie
Written by John August
Starring ...maybe Will Smith? As The Genie?!?!
Coming To Theaters: TBA

I look at Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes films, and I look at the style he's applied to his King Arthur (and the reviews...), and I wonder, is that going to work for a musical comedic-adventure like Aladdin? I have concerns. Let's be honest, this film is going to sink or swim solely based on the casting of The Genie. No one could ever hope to match the late Robin Williams's iconic performance. I don't envy the actor who has to fill those shoes. Apparently it might be Will Smith and honestly...that has a small chance of working, and a big chance of failing horribly. My fan-casting would be James Monroe Igelhart, who originated the role on Broadway. He was able to capture the spirit of Williams's performance while making it his own, and winning a Tony for it. Also it would help them to get Alan Menken back to do the music. He did it for the Beauty & The Beast remake.


Christopher Robin
Directed by Marc Forster
Written by Alex Ross Perry and Tom McCarthy
Starring Ewan McGregor?
Coming To Theaters: TBA

This one is basically Ted meets Toy Story 3. Christopher Robin is now an adult and forgotten his childhood imagination and adventures with Winnie The Pooh and company in the Hundred Acre Wood. His mundane adult life is thrown a curveball when Pooh shows up on his doorstep. Actually it sounds like Hook but with Winnie The Pooh not Peter Pan. There's real potential here, if the film amps up the nostalgia factor and goes right for the feels. Ewan McGregor could be adding another Disney remake to his resume, taking the lead role here which will be great. Marc Forster directed Finding Neverland and Quantum of Solace so stylistically it could be interesting. Tom McCarthy co-wrote Up and Spotlight, and rewrote Ross Perry's original script, so it's hard to say this early in the game what kind of film will get. Also for the love of God if you don't CGI Winnie The Pooh, Piglet, Tigger, etc. in the right way we could all be creeped the *bleep* and running out of the theaters in fear...


Oliver Twist
Directed by Tommy Kail
Written by TBA
Starring Ice Cube and TBA
Coming To Theaters: TBA

I guess you can consider this a remake of Oliver & Company...starring Ice Cube as Fagin...and it's being directed by the guy who directed "Hamilton" so it's going to be like hip-hop of the Charles Dickens story...okay? Yeah I'm not loving it.


James and The Giant Peach
Directed by Sam Mendes
Written by Nick Hornby
Starring TBA
Coming To Theaters: TBA

Not everything getting remade is from the animated classics line. NO FILM IS SAFE.
I didn't see the original stop-motion film until I was older, and I didn't really care for it so I couldn't care less about this project, and I don't think it's anyone's favorite Disney film so this remake isn't all that offensive as others. Sam Mendes is a talented director so maybe we'll be pleasantly surprised.


Cruella
Directed by TBA
Written by Aline Brosh McKenna and Kelly Marcel
Starring Emma Stone
Coming To Theaters: TBA

Much like a certain other Disney film...this will focus on the origins of the villain of the animated original, i.e. Cruella DeVil. Emma Stone is set to play the iconic Disney villain, which sounds amazing but here's the kicker. Brosh McKenna, who wrote The Devil Wears Prada (Heh..The DeVil Wears Prada...) but Marcel came in and rewrote it. She wrote Fifty Shades of Grey...
I love Emma Stone but I think it best she really think this through before she signed on the dotted line...or should I say the spotted line...okay I'll stop.


Tink
Directed by TBA
Written by Victoria Strouse
Starring Reese Witherspoom
Coming To Theaters: TBA

Why is this necessary when you've done like eight direct-to-video films on Tinker Bell and her fairy friends that have racked in a fair amount of money-oh wait...do we really need to know the untold origins of Disney's favorite fairy? Again? Who really wasn't that layered of a character to begin with?


Peter Pan
Directed by David Lowrey
Written by David Lowrey and Toby Halbrooks
Starring TBA
Coming To Theaters: TBA

Did you see Pan? It might be time to lay off Peter Pan films for now...and are you trying to set up a Peter Pan cinematic universe with this and Tink? If so that's...stupid.


The Sword In The Stone
Directed by TBA
Written by Bryan Cogman
Starring TBA
Coming To Theaters: TBA

The original is kind of a clunky film to begin with, so this one could probably benefit from a remake, granted that if they do the scenes where they turn into fish, squirrels, and birds and the CGI isn't horrifying. Also there's a guy from Game of Thrones writing it, but don't expect a ton of nudity and graphic violence.


Dumbo
Directed by Tim Burton
Written by Ehren Kruger
Starring Eva Green, Danny DeVito, Michael Keaton and TBA
Coming To Theaters: TBA

No! Hell no! No wants to see the cute, heart-warming story of Dumbo, get the creepy, dirty Tim Burton treatment. Look what he did to Alice In Wonderland! Also Tim Burton stop remaking stuff and gives us something original. Seriously get out of this funk and make a good film. And I keep bringing CGI up and I'm going to keep bringing it up, but I don't want to see a horrifying CGI Dumbo.


Pinocchio
Directed by TBA
Written by Peter Hedges
Starring TBA
Coming To Theaters: TBA

Again, like Peter Pan I think this is a story that needs to stop being remade because no film has really worked since Disney's animated original. I think the last one was Roberto Benigni's version...*shudders* I would much rather see the potential versions done by Guillermo del Toro or Robert Downey Jr, just because of their involvement.


The Little Mermaid
Directed by TBA
Written by TBA
Starring TBA
Coming To Theaters: TBA

I am curious to see how the underwater scenes are done, and I will laugh out loud if this film gets to theaters before and does underwater better than one of James Cameron's Avatar sequels (One's supposed to feature an underwater world). Alan Menken will be back to do music so that's good, along with Lin-Manuel Miranda who's going to produce (He's clearly getting comfortable at Disney). But I imagine a CGI Flounder and Sebastian looking gross...


The Second Jungle Book
Directed by Jon Favreau
Written by John Favreau & Justin Marks
Starring TBA
Coming To Theaters: 2019-ish?

So a sequel of a remake that's neat...unless they're remaking the direct-to-video sequel...no they wouldn't. There's plenty more from Kipling's books to adapt. Favrueau and Marks returning is a good thing, but with this supposedly shooting back-to-back with The Lion King, I wonder if Favreau is stretching himself too thin, and if both films will suffer. Hopefully some of the original cast can return, and they can get this going before Mowgli (Neel Sethi) gets too old.


Maleficent 2
Directed by TBA
Written by TBA
Starring Angelina Jolie
Coming To Theaters: TBA

......No........


That's all of them I think. Having gone down the calendar one by one, it's clear that some of these remakes have a far better chance at success than others. So far Disney's remakes have had pretty solid track record. I never saw Cinderella but it had favorable reviews, and The Jungle Book I thought was probably better than the original, in terms of script and pacing. Pete's Dragon, I never saw the original and I really have no desire to see the remake. Beauty & The Beast for the most part is a very entertaining and loving tribute to the original, but not without its flaws.

In order for these remakes to succeed, they need to distinguish themselves enough from the original like The Jungle Book did to justify their existence. In an interview a few years ago, Beauty remake director Bill Condon raised the question on why remake a film that, in his words is "so perfect"? He went on to say "Technology has caught up to the ideas that were introduced in that movie." That's not a good reason to remake a film, and frankly an insult to the animated original, and to a greater extent the legacy of the company that allowed the creation of both Beauty & The Beast films.

If you're going to remake these films in live-action just so we can have a non-animated versions of them, that seems like a waste of production and resources. Why can't Disney devote all this energy to making original live-action fairy-tale musicals in the same spirit of their animated classics, that can stand beside them in the studio's catalog? I don't know, if the films are as good as The Jungle Book and Beauty & The Beast, I suppose it's a harmless practice, but what if they're not?

Walt himself was always looking to push the boundaries of filmmaking and technology. Hell even in his later years he was becoming less interested in animation and more with live-action filmmaking and his theme parks, so you have to wonder what he'd make of all this. When once asked about making a sequel to The Three Little Pigs short, he said "You can't top pigs with pigs"...but then he did go and make more shorts starring the pigs...

I'll go back and forth on this issue more and more as these films continue to develop and make their way to theaters. One thing is clear though from this list. Not every Disney film needs to be remade.

Yeah...About Spider-Man Joining The MCU

If I may quote John C. Reilly in Guardians of The Galaxy, "This may not be the best idea…"

There was a time when Spider-Man was one of the most popular superhero characters brought to film. Back then though, we had nowhere near as many superhero film franchises on the screen that we do now. Back then, we probably only had Spider-Man, Superman, and Batman with a few failed attempts at The Hulk and Fantastic Four scattered in between.

Let's focus on the mid-to-late 2000's. In 2005, Christopher Nolan began his Batman series with Batman Begins, but the world had yet to see how much this series would shake up the system. They would have to wait until 2008 for that, with the very successful sequel The Dark Knight.

In 2006, Superman made a mediocre to return to the screen with Superman Returns. The film failed to get the franchise going again, and fans would have to wait until 2013 for sadly another mediocre, successful reboot of the character in the form of Man of Steel. 

Then in 2007, came Spider-Man 3, making the web-slinger the first of the three to complete a…ahem, successful, trilogy of films at the time (By the way, we're ignoring the Christopher Reeve Superman films, and any pre-Nolan Batman right now).

Now we all know what became of Spider-Man 3, and frankly all of Sam Raimi's original trilogy hasn't aged too well. So while the world would wait for a Spider-Man 4 (and never get it), Superman would return to film-development purgatory, and Batman would continue to soar under the direction of Nolan.

The very same year The Dark Knight came out, Robert Downey Jr. walked up to a podium and said "I am Iron Man", and something truly special began. Of course I'm referring to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. A franchise of films produced by Marvel Studios themselves. These films soon gained a huge fan base, and gave heroes like Iron Man, Captain America, and Thor who weren't well known by the general public, a chance to shine.

After Phase One of the MCU came to a ground-breaking conclusion with The Avengers, the franchise continued to grow. Phase Two would give Iron Man, Capt, and Thor more to do, while taking a gamble with Guardians of The Galaxy. A gamble that turned into one of the most successful films of the year. Marvel was at a point where it seemed like they could do no wrong. The MCU is poised to raise the bar again this summer with Avengers: Age of Ultron, and end Phase Two with an introduction to another lesser known hero in Ant Man.

"Okay what about Spider-Man?" you ask? Well, in 2012 the franchise was rebooted with The Amazing Spider-Man. I myself have often heard mixed reactions to the film, but personally I find it better than the entirety of Sam Raimi's trilogy. Last year, its sequel was released. You'll remember I gave my own review of it, but the general consensus was The Amazing Spider-Man 2 was no good.

Sony Pictures began trying to fix their mistakes. The Amazing Spider-Man 3 was thrown into limbo, and the Sinister Six spinoff was pushed up a year. There was talk of another spinoff featuring all of Spidey's lady friends (Black Cat, Spiderwoman..), and another spinoff about…Aunt May??

Meanwhile, Marvel Studios showed their hand, and revealed the entirety of Phase Three. All of it. A third film for Captain America and Thor. Introductions to more lesser knowns like Doctor Strange, Captain Marvel, and Black Panther. And a culmination of everything that has come before, with a two-part event, Avengers: Infinity War. The world went nuts, while a certain Spider-Man, a character that was once one of the most popular superheroes out there, was taking a backseat to the likes of Rocket Raccoon and Hawkeye, and becoming as big a joke as a George Clooney Batman.

It was clear, Kevin Feige and Marvel were very confident in this plan that had been laid out, and couldn't wait any longer to reveal it to their fans. One has to imagine a plan like this had been years in the making, and carefully thought out.

(Alright. History lesson over.)

Then, a few days ago, what was only a pipe-dream for many fans became a reality. Sony agreed to play nice with Marvel, and Spider-Man was announced to be joining the MCU. After the initial shock, and letting more information get released, I've decided to voice my thoughts on all of this.

First off, I don't have a problem with Spider-Man joining the MCU. I want to make that clear. He's one of Marvel's most popular characters and he deserves to be back home, and under their supervision. My problem is how they're bringing him in. A new Spider-Man solo film has been announced for July 2017. The hardcore-nerds will remember that is when Thor: Ragnarok was supposed to come out. As a circumstance of the new Spider-Man film, the back two-thirds of Phase Three have been shuffled around.

Here's Phase Three pre-Spidey:

• Captain America: Civil War
• Doctor Strange
• Guardians of The Galaxy 2
• Thor: Ragnarok
• Black Panther
• Avengers: Infinity War Part 1
• Captain Marvel
• Inhumans
• Avengers: Infinity War Part 2

and here's Phase Three with Spidey:

• Captain America: Civil War
• Doctor Strange
• Guardians of The Galaxy 2
• New Spider-Man Film
• Thor: Ragnarok
• Avengers: Infinity War Part 1
• Black Panther
• Captain Marvel
• Avengers: Infinity War Part 2
• Inhumans

I've spared the release dates, but as you can see, everything after Guardians 2, with the exception of Infinity War Part 1 and 2, has been pushed back a slot to make room for Spider-Man. This seems really confusing. Why was everything pushed back but Infinity War? The supposed grand crescendo of the MCU (Assuming whatever Phase Four is, if it even is). Black Panther, which was our last film before Infinity War began is now sandwiched between the two parts, and Inhumans has gone from being in-between the Infinity War's to now becoming the official(?) end to Phase Three, much like how Ant-Man  and Age of Ultron swapped spots in Phase Two.

So my question is, do Panther, Marvel, and Inhumans really have that little effect on Infinity War? I can't imagine so, except with maybe Inhumans. I see that one being like Guardians, off doing its own thing while The Avengers take care of everything on the other side of the universe. Safe money is on all of these characters getting in on the action in The Infinity Wars, just how and when has changed.

Now while I'm sure they already have a storyline/timeline planned for Phase Three, I think it's safe to say scripts for all of these films are still being written (or re-written if Spider-Man's really changing things up). Will what they had in mind for Captain Marvel or Black Panther back in October be completely different to what we'll see in a few years? Most likely. Was this plan for Phase Three not as concrete as originally perceived? Perhaps.

Ask for Spider-Man himself, well he will no longer be played by Andrew Garfield, which is sad. Garfield was a perfect Peter Parker, and unfortunately fell victim to a bad script and studio direction with The Amazing Spider-Man 2. It almost feels like unjust punishment to the poor guy, who was such a huge fan that he dressed up as Spider-Man at Comic Con many years ago, at The Amazing Spider-Man's panel. Reports say they're recasting someone younger, and looking to bring Spider-Man back into his high school days. One can deduce from that the continuity of The Amazing Spider-Man 1 & 2 is being thrown out the window. The Amazing Spider-Man 2 wasn't flat-out terrible. It had its moments, and part of me wishes Sony would finish what they started, but que sera.

So where's the beef? Well, look at it like this. Imagine every year at Thanksgiving dinner, your cousin, let's call him Marvin, got the best seat and say grace. Then he went to go work in some other country, and so gradually you took his seat at the table, and you got the honor of saying grace. Then wham. One Thanksgiving, Marvin finally comes home, and you know what? He took back his seat, and is saying grace. The seat and privilege you earned after he just went and left it, and he just took it back. You're a punk Marvin…anyway…

That's kind of what bringing Spider-Man into the MCU is feeling like. A lot of fuss is being made over the return of this one character, and everything is being changed for him. Captain America, Thor, even Groot, characters that by all accounts weren't expected to have become this mainstream, and dare I say earn their popularity, seem to be getting the shaft because cool kid Spider-Man's back in town.

Then you have Panther and Captain Marvel, who fans have been demanding to see on film for years, poised to finally get their chance to shine, are now getting put on a back burner for Spider-Man. Black Panther is set to appear in Captain America: Civil War, and supposedly so is Spider-Man, set to make his debut appearance in the MCU. I can't bring up too much issue with this. Spider-Man is a key player in the Civil War storyline in the comics, and Black Panther really wasn't, so we'll be getting a more faithful adaptation. Panther's appearing in Civil War before his solo film, and I'm betting we'll get a glimpse of him in Age of Ultron, so it's not like this character is disappearing into Spider-Man's shadow. Let's just hope he doesn't fall to what I'm going to call now "The Thanos Effect", meaning we'll only see one or two glimpses of him for years until his own film comes out.

But back to the likes of Captain Marvel, which brings me to my final point. If you asked me if I wanted to see another Spider-Man film or a Captain Marvel film…I'd pick Captain Marvel. I honestly think we've seen enough Spider-Man for awhile. If it were up to me, I'd save him for Infinity War, ushering him in as a key player in Phase Four or whatever the MCU becomes once Phase Three ends. I like that Marvel keeps giving us new characters to fall in love with, new heroes to root for. Spider-Man…I think we need a break from him. It's like Batman. Not a few weeks after Nolan's trilogy had ended, rumors of another reboot of The Dark Knight was coming. Now it's pretty much here with Superman Vs Batman: Dawn of Justice next year (A new solo Batman film has yet to be announced). Then there's the show Gotham, but another topic for another day.

I am not a studio executive or Hollywood insider. To self-depreciate for a moment, this is nothing more than the ramblings of a cranky nerd. I'm well aware that everything is still in a stage of "what if". Scripts are probably still being written, actors are probably still being cast, and this deal was probably months in the making. Feige and Marvel probably had this as a Phase Three-Plan B if the deal with Sony ever went through. Call it the result of the North Korean/hacking of Sony awhile back, or the failure of The Amazing Spider-Man 2, but this is now happening. Perhaps Spider-Man joining the MCU will have a barely noticeable change to Phase Three. I mean as of right now, the shifting of Ant-Man appears to have had no effect on Phase Two, so who knows. Only the people at Marvel and Sony know. For now, I remain cautiously optimistic.

One thing that can be certain, is we can expect to see a fresh and superior take on everyone's friendly neighborhood Spider-Man in a few years. Welcome Home, Spidey.